Self-esteem is about growing the confidence over time to know your value as a person. It helps with making decisions and your general wellbeing!
We hear a lot about self esteem and how important it is. But many people aren’t sure exactly what it is. So let’s break it down…
What is self esteem?
Self esteem can broadly be defined as having a good opinion of yourself. That doesn’t mean believing you’re perfect or infallible. But it means having a strong sense of your intrinsic worth and value as a person.
A person with high self esteem is likely to view themselves as capable, competent, and deserving of love and respect. A person with low self esteem might think of themselves as stupid, inadequate, or unloveable. People who struggle with their mental health may also struggle with their self-esteem. Building your self-esteem boosts your confidence in yourself and helps with your wellbeing levels too.
Self esteem isn’t black and white
Self esteem isn’t a yes/no equation in which you either have it or don’t. It’s possible to go through periods where your self esteem is healthy, and other times where it is very low. Anything from a break-up to losing a job or failing an exam can trigger a period of low self esteem, while successes in any area of life can bolster it. It’s also possible to have high self esteem in one area, while having very low self esteem in another.
So as we look at a few ways you can evaluate your self esteem, bear in mind that there won’t always be a simple answer. Our relationships with ourselves – like our relationships with others – can be complex and have many different layers to them.
So don’t panic if your self esteem seems to fluctuate or look different depending on the context. That’s really normal. With that said, here are a few ways you can understand more about your level of self esteem.
How do you handle compliments and criticism?
Some people with low self esteem find themselves unable to handle compliments. If someone says something nice to you, how do you react? If you find yourself getting extremely embarrassed, wanting to brush off the compliment, or feeling like the person is wrong about you, that’s a warning sign about your self esteem.
On the other hand, some people with low self esteem also find themselves unable to handle even the gentlest or most constructive criticism. If a piece of critical feedback can ruin your whole day or send you into a downward spiral of feeling bad about yourself, that’s also an indicator that you might have low self esteem.
A person with strong self esteem is able to accept compliments with grace and a sincere “thank you”, and able to take constructive criticism in stride and use it to improve.
Do you often compare yourself to others?
How do you feel when something good happens to a friend, colleague, or classmate?
A person with strong self esteem is able to celebrate others’ successes, talents, and achievements without making comparisons and feeling bad about themselves. Do you often compare yourself unfavourably to others? If you find yourself thinking about how everyone else is cleverer, more talented, or more attractive than you, that’s a definite sign your self esteem needs some work.
The reverse is true, too. Do you often feel an urge to put other people down in order to make yourself look or feel better by comparison? If so, this might be a defense mechanism that you’re using to compensate for your poor self esteem. But putting others down can seriously hurt them and damage your relationships – and in the long run, it won’t make you feel better about yourself!
When you have healthy self esteem, you will be able to appreciate all the things that are great about the other people around you and all the things that are great about you.
Do you trust your judgement?
How do you feel about your ability to exercise good judgement and make good decisions? If you are able to make decisions calmly and confidently, your self esteem is likely to be healthy. If you find yourself second-guessing yourself continually or seeking others’ input for even basic decisions, your self esteem likely needs a boost.
Are you hesitant to contribute your opinion in a work meeting or group project? Do you avoid raising your hand in class in case you get the answer wrong? Do you avoid making decisions and instead go along with what other people want? If any of these statements sound familiar, you might have a problem trusting your own judgement.
Are you happy in your own company?
People are social creatures, and we naturally seek close relationships with others. But it’s also really important to be happy with yourself and happy in your own company.
People who fear being alone tend to have low self esteem. Do you think your worth is defined by the people around you – your partner, friends, family, or boss? Or do you know that you have intrinsic worth and value, regardless of the relationships you have with others? Does an evening at home alone fill you with dread, or are you perfectly happy having some alone time?
If you’re happy in your own company, that’s a sign of healthy self esteem. If you dread – or even fear – being alone, you might want to delve into why that is.
Activity: Self esteem temperature check
An easy way to get a basic idea of your self esteem is to do a quick temperature check. Think of a few words that you’d use to describe yourself. Don’t think too hard about it – just write down a few words. Now look back at them and assess whether they are positive, negative, or neutral.
If you’ve written down mostly positive words and phrases (such as “kind”, “smart”, and “hardworking”,) your self esteem is probably doing okay right now. If you’ve written down mostly negative words and phrases (such as “stupid”, “bad at X”, or “ugly”,) you’re probably suffering from low self esteem and should take action to improve it.
Resources
Improving your self esteem is a whole other topic for another day, but we’ve collated some useful resources to help you get started:
