Life is full of social interaction and it’s not something we can avoid. But for people with social anxiety, these daily social interactions can feel much harder to deal with and it has a day-to-day impact on every aspect of their life.
For some people, social anxiety can feel like an even bigger barrier when it comes to work. The fear of things that could happen in the workplace like speaking in meetings or making small talk can cause feelings of dread and irrational thoughts that make it harder to manage.
What is social anxiety?
The NHS defines social anxiety disorder (or social phobia) as a long-term and overwhelming fear of social situations. It can be very distressing and have a big impact on your life.
Some symptoms are:
- Worrying about everyday activities e.g. meeting strangers, starting conversations, working, shopping etc
- Avoiding or worrying about activities that include other people e.g. parties
- Always worrying about something you think is embarrassing e.g. blushing, sweating, getting something wrong
- Finding it difficult to do something if somebody is watching you (maybe you feel like you are being watched or judged all the time)
- Fearing being criticised, avoiding eye contact, or having low self esteem
- Having panic attacks (an overwhelming sense of fear and anxiety that usually last a few minutes)
- Physical symptoms include feeling sick, sweating, trembling or a pounding heartbeat
If you have social anxiety (or think you may have it) you may relate with some, or all, of these symptoms.
While social anxiety can be managed, if you aren’t coping and it is too overwhelming, it is important that you seek help.
Social anxiety vs being shy or introvert
Social anxiety can often get confused with being shy or having an introverted personality. While they have similar aspects, none of these are the same.
Many people worry about social situations (it’s natural!) but people with social anxiety worry about them before, during and even after they have happened.
Social anxiety is a mental health disorder. This means it is more than just shyness or preferring your own company – it is a fear that does not go away and affects most aspects of life.
It’s a bit like your body’s alarm system, except the wiring is wrong. It tells you there’s an immediate danger or threat that you need to avoid, and your ‘fight or flight’ system kicks in to protect you from harm.
But the thing you think is a threat may not need such a big reaction from your body, and the things it makes you feel (whether it’s mentally or physically) can make you worry, and the situation will seem a lot scarier.
If social anxiety is interfering with your work, here are some ways to deal with how you feel.
Try relaxation techniques
If you feel yourself worrying or panicking, try using breathing techniques to bring your breathing back to normal. You may not even realise that you start breathing differently when you get worried because you are so focused on how it feels, but it’s likely that you are breathing slower or faster than normal and it only makes the anxiety worse.
Using meditation and breathing exercises is used to treat social anxiety because it really does work. It is scientifically proven to be able to calm you down! A great way to do these exercises at work is to have a meditation app on your phone that you can take wherever you go. Just take a few minutes away from whatever you are doing to calm yourself down. These free apps for your mental health and wellbeing might help you explore different ways to relax in a way that feels safe and self-supportive.
Some relaxation techniques can relate to cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). It’s a talking-based therapy, but you can also use CBT techniques to talk to yourself. Sometimes it can help you to examine the way you think and examine the things you do so that you can reframe the situation and how you might feel about it or react to it. For example, these CBT techniques for coping with job interview nerves can be used to help you reframe other situations, too.
Focus on something else
This doesn’t mean you should avoid the things that trigger your social anxiety. It means you should know when to take a step back, away from your task and come back to it in a few minutes with a better mind. Take your mind off what is bothering you for a while by thinking of something else (which is a great time to use your relaxation techniques) and you’ll start to calm down. This will allow you to approach things with a more logical and clearer head.
Push yourself
A great way to manage social anxiety at work is to start your day with the things you don’t want to do. Don’t avoid the scarier things and let them hold up your work – they’ll only seem harder to complete when the deadline gets smaller and smaller, and you’ll worry even more.
Social anxiety is maintained by avoidance and sometimes the fear is always in the back of your mind. Don’t wait until you feel confident to change your behaviour. When a challenge arrives, face it – it will probably be a lot easier than you thought it would be, and each time you do it, it will get easier and easier.
Break things down
Breaking things down will help you do the things you don’t want to do. Big tasks can seem impossible to complete when they are looming over you and leaving them because you don’t want to do them only makes them more urgent.
Break big things down into smaller chunks so that they are more manageable. It’s something many people do on their wedding day – first they focus on getting to the venue, then they focus on their hair, then they focus on getting dressed and so on, because it makes their big day seem easier.
You can do the same at work! Are you worried about a meeting? First focus on understanding what the meeting is and what your role will be, then focus on what information you’ll need at hand, then focus on going in and sitting down etc.
Prepare and practise
A good way to prepare for things that worry you is to practise. If you have a meeting, a phone call, or even an interview for a job, practise what you’re going to say and do. Visualise the situation and have a mental rehearsal, have a friend pretend to be the interviewer, write down everything you want to say so you can remember it. The more prepared you are, and the more you practise, the less you have to worry about and the feeling of anxiety won’t be as overwhelming.
They say that practice makes perfect, but it doesn’t – it helps you improve! Everybody makes mistakes and it’s natural, so don’t be afraid if something goes wrong. It happens to everyone!
Focus on the facts (and what you can control)
This is a big thing that is usually used in social anxiety treatment. Try to focus on what is happening in the moment such as what people are doing, what people are saying, how the chair you are sitting on feels etc, and silence the spiralling thought in your head.
Try not to assume what people are thinking because in reality you don’t know. Focus on what they ARE telling you from their speech, their posture, or their eye contact.
It can be hard to separate your thoughts from the facts, especially when you believe they are true. The best thing to do is look for evidence! Does what you see support what your social anxiety is telling you, or do they prove that your thoughts are irrational and that you don’t need to listen to them?
They are your psychological symptoms – so what about your physical ones? If you blush or sweat in social situations (especially when the attention is on you), you’ll know that this isn’t something you can control. The only person who is going to be worried about this is YOU, and being aware of it will make you feel worse. Focus on the things you can control!
Give yourself a pep talk
Another way to use evidence is to use it during a personal pep talk! The mind is such a complex thing, and our thoughts have a lot of control over how we feel. Social anxiety can tell you that everything will go wrong no matter how many times you’ve done something before. Use the facts and think about all the times you were worried but it didn’t go as you expected – because it went RIGHT! All the evidence you have shows that your assumptions of what will go wrong are just that, assumptions.
Talk to someone
Know that you aren’t alone! Tell someone you trust about how you are feeling, or even tell your employer if you feel comfortable doing so. The more they know about you and what you are dealing with, the more they can help you. You might be able to have accommodations at work that help you through the day such as being able to step away to a quieter place when you are overwhelmed or communicating in ways you might find easier like email.
If talking to your family, friends or employer isn’t something you can do, or just isn’t helpful for how overwhelmed you are, then you should find more serious support.
Get support
Social anxiety can be managed, but it’s a mental health disorder and it’s more severe for some than others. It’s not an easy thing to deal with and it takes a lot of courage.
If managing your social anxiety isn’t working for you and it’s becoming a more serious problem that has a big impact on your life, then you should visit your doctor – they will know what support you need.
Here are some mental health resources and services that could also help you:
- UK mental health resources
- Mental health crisis UK helplines
- UK student helplines and support resources
