By Rhiannon Wilson
When I dropped out of college last year it was with a hesitant decision to go when I loved Photography so much. I knew that I would have to go into employment to help out my parents financially but also needed to continue my learning in a different manner so that I would have some form of qualification. I tried searching for part time work whilst I was at college but it was to no avail and I realised that I would have to leave the course I was on.
My tutor said to me before I left that I should have a look into apprenticeships. As much as I do still love photography I know that for my parents without me providing an extra channel of income due to my dad being made redundant that it would become near impossible for them to pay any bills at all. This has been a big barrier for me to be able to decide what I need to do versus how I can look after my family after they have looked after me my whole life.
With an ever looming apprenticeship end coming closer to me I am now looking at my future and well I am still uneasy in deciding. Not only about what I should do but also what would be the best thing to do. I always find myself fighting between my own morals and financial struggles. I am eager to be independent and to be able to move out and I do have some minimal savings however the risks still exist of me not being able to drive, how to get to work and am I even able to look after myself on my own. I still look at my home situation and realise I can help out financially as much as I can but I do have to live my own life but does this mean I have to let my family suffer? Can I really stand by and watch them struggle to pay for the necessities? Will I live to regret leaving home?
Lately I have had millions of questions floating around in my head to be frankly honest I just have no idea what I should do. I know that even if I do move out I will just be able to pay for basics and even then it would very much be stretching my money as far as it can go. I think about moving further away from home to start anew but the guilt still creeps up on me. I find myself trapped in my own moral situation in my head.
I have the dark cloud over me of the difficult relationship I have with my dad especially and whether I should even leave my sister at home in that environment. Although I know that she is 15 and probably more than capable of looking after herself, she’s my sister. She has been my rock and steady support for most of my life and is the only thing that I have lived for and as much as she is strong she isn’t bulletproof and I don’t want her to be shattered and broken because of other people’s problems. I have never liked looking at the future and the fact that I am even thinking about short term future feels weird to me but I know now that I have decisions to make and just like when I made the decision to leave college I need to make the decision of what am I going to do after my apprenticeship and am I going to leave home very soon.
