Confrontation as a word can seem scary, if you are labelled as confrontational it is typically not a compliment but what does confrontation really mean?
What does confrontation mean?
There are definitions of confrontation relating to fights, arguments or meeting an opposing sports team but the real term relates to facing something or meeting face to face to discuss different ideas or solutions.
Is confrontation a good thing?
Confrontation can be a good thing when we use it properly. We shouldn’t be gearing ourselves up for an aggressive argument with someone. In fact having discussions when you are angry is the worst time to confront someone so don’t!
Confrontation is about facts and wanting to be able to move forward either with a project or as a team – if we are using it in this way it is a good thing.
If someone is holding the team up and their work is incomplete, if a team member never shows up for training and never knows the plays or if an opinion or way of working is stopping the whole team being able to work together a good team leader, manager or team player will confront the issue. You can not have a situation where a team or a project fails or everybody else has to work twice as hard to please one member so you will need to confront (face) the issue.
Whilst confrontation might still leave you feeling nervous think about whether you would want to know. If you were causing a problem or if a way you worked could be improved and made better wouldn’t that feedback improve your skills and make you a better young professional?
How do you confront people?
Location: It will make the situation better if you make sure you have the time to confront people, don’t rush it with just a couple of minutes free. Ensure that when you are confronting someone that you do not do it in front of the rest of the team, try to do it in a quiet and calm place.
Think about it first: the reason confrontation has such a serious rep is because people often wade in too quickly. Take some time to think about what the problem really is and strip away anything personal or emotional. Your problem statement should be something like “There are a number of group deadlines that have been missed because work is being submitted late” not “You always submit everything late, we are all fed up of having to do more or miss deadlines because you are lazy!”.
Explain: Don’t assume that the person is choosing to behave this way on purpose and that they know they are doing the wrong thing. Take the time to explain and then ask if they think that is fair and if something is stopping them. You can also think about describing the gap, “the deadline for all of the team to submit their work was Tuesday, you didn’t do that, is there a reason why?” If the team always sets a deadline for a Tuesday and that is a real problem for this team member what would happen if you changed the day? Could you resolve the issue that easily?
Listen: Be open to the response you might get, it is never good to hear you are letting people down but that doesn’t mean that the person you are confronting won’t be grateful that you took the time to explain it and if you really listen you might hear some feedback for you or the rest of the team too.
Leave the conversation with a clear ending: It is important that you end the conversation with a clear action. Explain what your next steps will be (changing deadline days, giving more support) but be clear in your expectations too, if you are changing things explain that you will expect it to mean a change in behaviour from the team member.
The Challenge:
We aren’t going to send you out confronting people for the sake of it but we have created this short quiz so you can check your knowledge:
